The Ever-Encroaching Epiphanies of Aging

Epiphanies can be a wonderful experience. You know, those "ah-ha" moments of perceptive clarity when you suddenly "get it". As a kid, it may be that moment when you're standing at the plate and you finally recognize the spin of that nasty curve ball the little sh!t on the mound has been using to strike you out all day. You get that grin on your face, cock your bat, kick your leg, then still flail at it like you're waving a NASCAR checkered flag. Indeed, maybe you'd be better off writing about baseball than playing baseball.

Or maybe, as a teen, it's that embarrassing moment when you realize that Dawn Jamison from across the street didn't come up to your room to see your Al Oliver rookie baseball card after all, and it hits you the next day with profound clarity, "OF COURSE she didn't want to see my Al Oliver rookie card, she wanted to see my Fergie Jenkins card!"

As you get into your twenties, you may start having political epiphanies, especially if you participate in the Progressive-Collectivist indoctrination process known as "College" (or as you Brit readers say, "University"...that is so friggin gay) The feeding-from-the-taxpayer-trough professors fill your young mind with Keynesian wealth redistribution economics(how convenient for them), cross-discipline, create-a-crisis enviro-science, and of course, Progressive History 101 - All White Males are Evil Incarnate, the sum total of which leads you to the inevitable conclusion that you are a Democrat and that Republicans suck a$s.

Of course, the political epiphanies may change as you hit your thirties. If you majored in something marketable and start actually making a little money, you tend to want to keep that money and suddenly another epiphany hits - all of that feel-good Keynesian nonsense fed to you by your fiery, state-employed professor is nothing but a bunch of Robin Hoodesque bullsh!t...the only difference is that the smiling Progressive Democrat or Folksy Republican you fawned over and voted for isn't stealing from "the rich", he/she is "the rich" and is stealing from you, Joe Middle-Class! Thus spawns the epiphany that there's really only ONE political party in this country, but they've brilliantly managed to keep up the facade of a two-party system in order to fool the people into thinking their vote counts for something, when in reality, the ruling class is merely taking turns p!ssing away our coerced tax dollars!

*takes blood-pressure meds*

But I digress. Today I had another epiphany, it was the epiphany that my life is one giant string of epiphanies, and that said epiphanies just get progressively worse, constantly reminding me that I'm getting old.

Here are some of the ones you may recognize (or will eventually recognize, for you young farts/fartesses out there):

1. The "Sir/Ma'am" Epiphany.
This one is pretty cliché, but inevitable nonetheless. It usually strikes shortly after your thirtieth birthday when you are addressed as "Sir" or "Ma'am" by someone younger than you. Your first reaction is usually something like "WTF did you just call me, kid?", which spawns the add-on I-might-be-getting-old epiphany of "I just called that 21 year-old college kid 'kid'!" This one is dangerously recursive and might drive you insane if you don't discover the recursive epiphany termination statement of "21 year-old college student". No wonder the Powers-That-Be in Logan's Run chose 30 as the Friday Night Fireworks age.

2. The "Hollywood Regurgitation" Epiphany
I always wondered why my mom and step-dad never went to the movies after they hit their mid-fifties. Now I know - all the stories have been told, and I'm just now arriving at my mid-forties. Hollywood continues to tell the same stories, they just repackage each one with better special effects and a seemingly endless stream of attractiveness-to-talent inverse ratio "hottest young stars". I had this epiphany a couple of weeks ago when I went to see "Legion". It didn't take long to realize I had been sucked into yet another zombie flick disguised as yet another Armageddon flick disguised as a fairly cool-looking pseudo-biblical flick (I was wondering why there were so many cars in the parking lot displaying that idiotic Christian "fish" magnet on their trunks). Anyway, let me save you the 10 dollar ticket and 40 dollars worth of artery-clogging concessions: go rent "Shaun of the Dead", it's the only zombie movie you'll ever need to see.

3. The "That Hip Adjective Sounds Stupid to Me" Epiphany.
This one took a while for me. "Cool" was the first one I remember growing up, it was ok because, well, I was young and old people were old. Then somewhere along the line, everything was suddenly "awesome", but I'm cool, so I rolled with it. Mixed in there somewhere was "excellent", which was the first one that had a tinge of awkwardness, but The Simpsons saved that one for me because saying it like Montgomery Burns just feels right for some reason. But I knew it had to end, and end it did with the recent rise of the catch-adjective "epic". My youngest nephew loves this one, and he regularly reminds me that many things are "epic", like the latest album from "Nickelback" ("album", you say? WTF is THAT, old dude?), or "Ninja Assassin" is "most epic" (uh-oh, variation), to which I try to be hip and agree, even though I have no idea what "Nickelback" or "Ninja Assassin" might be. I keep waiting for him to inform me that Legion was "epic".

4. The "Religion/Supernatural Cognitive Dissonance" Epiphany.
The path to this one varies, and may not occur at all, depending on how you were raised, how much of the kool-aid you've consumed, and how obstinate you are. For me, it was a three stage process:
Stage One: Yeah, some kind of God exists, mainly because I live in Texas and that's all I've ever been taught.
Stage Two: (An epiphany in itself) There definitely IS a God because apparently, I'm susceptible to logical fallacies! Hallelujah! Praise-UH Jayyyysuss-UH! Republicans Rock!
Stage Three: (After several thorough readings and studies of "The Bible") "Holy F**k! What a bunch of contradictory, control-the-ignorant-masses bunch of garbage! How did I EVER believe this sh!t?!? In fact, why the hell would I believe in anything supernatural when there is absolutely no credible evidence for any of it?!? What sort of insane cognitive dissonance was I engaged in? Holy Christ, I'm getting OLD...I just said cognitive dissonance!!!"

5. The "Major League Baseball Players are really just in it for the MONEY" Epiphany.
HA! Liar! No they're not!! Our heroes play the game for the love of the game, you blasphemous fktard! Shut the hell up! I SAID SHUT UP!!!!

Long live cognitive dissonance.

:^)

Cheers,

Browncoat

Belief in "God" has nothing to do with Patriotism

Ask anyone I know, they'll tell you I'm a "Militant Atheist". They'd be wrong, of course, I do not take up arms, burn down churches, murder Christian physicians, or fly airplanes into mosques. I don't even like the word "atheist", it's a label that delusional religious folks came up with to single out and marginalize those of us that refuse to believe in or "respect" their silly fairy tales.

No, I would characterize myself as an "Outspoken Non-Believer", or "Skeptic". If a person makes an extraordinary claim and expects me to believe that claim, they better have damn good, credible evidence to back it up. Religion, especially the three pillars of Abrahamic Idiocy, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, lack all of the above. All three claim to have evidence, which always turns out to be fabricated or at the very least, completely unverifyable.

Also, I don't care how many delusional people are infected with a religious mind virus, regardless of the strain...it is NOT up to me to prove that their imaginary friend does NOT exist. That's called a logical fallacy, "Burden of Proof" flavor.

I honestly wouldn't have a damn thing to say about religion if the religious would keep to themselves, stay out of our legislative processes, keep their ignorant noses out of the science classroom, and most of all, quit trying to marry "God" and country.

This guy:

Florida man says Home Depot fired him over "God" button.

...is a prime example of the latter.

But, you say, he was just wearing a button, right? It's not like he refused to comply with the company dress code or something! This is just another War on Christianity®, isn't it?!?

"A Home Depot spokesman said Keezer was fired because he violated the company's dress code.

"This associate chose to wear a button that expressed his religious beliefs. The issue is not whether or not we agree with the message on the button," Craig Fishel said. "That's not our place to say, which is exactly why we have a blanket policy, which is long-standing and well-communicated to our associates, that only company-provided pins and badges can be worn on our aprons."

Oh, er...well, how 'bout that.

I have a dress code at my job that I must adhere to...I may not like it, but it sure as shit isn't worth losing my job over. Home Depot sounds like they are in the clear on this one.

But that isn't even what chaps my ass about the story, it's this shit:

"It feels kind of like a punishment, like I was punished for just loving my country," Keezer said."

NEWSFLASH, moron, if you just want to "show your love for your country", as you claim, then wear one of those American flag lapel pins. Otherwise, you're just prothlesizing, plain and simple.

But maybe this good, honest Christian had no other option:

"Fishel said Keezer was offered a company-approved pin that said, "United We Stand," but he declined."

Natch. Again, his intent had nothing to do with patriotism, and everything to do with prothlesizing disguised as patriotism. This reminds me of the compelled patriotism one is forced to endure at Major League Baseball ballparks during the seventh inning stretch...one could write an entire blog post on that alone.

Then there is this bullshit:

"Skorupa noted the slogan on Keezer's pin is straight from the Pledge of Allegiance.

"These mottos and sayings that involve God, that's part of our country and historical fabric," Skorupa said. "In God we trust is on our money."

Skorupa has obviously consumed too much revisionist Kool-Aid. The slogan was not part of the original pledge...it was added much later. Our currency didn't have that First Amendment shredding phrase on it originally either.

Cases like this are EXACTLY WHY these idiotic statements do not belong on our currency, in our pledge, or in our ballparks...delusional revisionists just LOVE to pull these "examples" out of their pockets as *cough*, "evidence" to perpetuate the myth that the US is a "Christian Nation".

I live in this nation, I love my country, and I am not a Christian.
The revisionists are wrong...period.

So long, and thanks for all the Kung Pao...

Today, I mourn the loss of a good friend: Wan Fu Chinese Restaurant on West Camp Bowie Blvd. in Fort Worth, Texas...they shut the doors for good last night.

Yours truly has been gorging himself on their cuisine for 12 years now, my bloated wasteline being a testament to the fact. Great dumplings, great Kung Pao, perfect Garlic Chicken, all gone with the click of a lock.

I'm very lucky that I had a hankering for some Kung Pao Shrimp yesterday afternoon, otherwise I would have discovered their demise during lunch this week and gone postal.

I spoke with the owner and he cited ever rising food costs after Katrina as the culprit.

All the years I've been going to Wan Fu they've always been friendly, provided great service, and the food quality was never once compromised. Those times when I'd get a little burnt out on the place and subsequently take a break from it, never once did I get an annoying "Where have you been?!?" from the owners or employees (I actually quit going to a different place years before I discovered Wan Fu for that very reason).

Adios, good friend, you shall be missed.

Yes, I'm bummed.

:^(

--Browncoat

Good, er-ay-uh, Riddance!

I know it's rude to speak ill of the recently departed, but I'd rather be rude than dishonest:

GOOD RIDDANCE to that piece of shit Ted Kennedy!

The only "legacy" that corrupt, leftist, machine politician leaves behind is the rubble of what's left of our alleged constitutional republic.

I'm as relieved to see him part as I was when this self-righteous ass-hat croaked:



And while I'm at it, how about some preemptive "rudeness", i.e. others I will be overjoyed to see six feet under:

1. Barney Frank, Architect of the current recession.

2. George W. Bush, Architect of the accelerated US Police State.

3. Pat Robertson, Another Religious-Right Asshat.

4. Tom Daschle, Why is this guy still being quoted in the media...oh yeah, the media are nothing but a bunch of leftist, partisan DNC ass-kissers.

5. Nancy Pelosi and this entire crop of socialist-democrats infesting Congress.

6. All Neo-Con Republicans currently infesting Congress.

7. Rick Perry and his anti-evolution dimwit religious coherts who corrupt Texas Politics and make Texas science-education a laughing stock.

8. And of course, The Obamessiah and his socialist regime. (I'd include his Useful Idiot, "Progressive" flock, but some of these unfortunates are friends of mine).

Ahhh, I feel much better now.

:^)

--Browncoat

How Misinformation is Born

The other night I'm sitting at Pop's Safari Room having a discussion with fellow libertarians regarding how the USA has become the self-appointed World Police, the insanity of the Iraq War, and how tax-payer dollars are being spent on propagandist recruitment advertising by the U.S. Military to sucker young men and women into joining these unneccesary, meddling conflicts around the globe. The main focus of our ire wasn't military recruitment or even military advertising, but specifically, propaganda-style recruitment a la those ridiculous Kid Rock "American Warrior" videos one gets bombarded with before every movie at the theater.

See, I have no problem with military recruitment or advertising for the sake of recruitment. We need to keep our military staffed, I get that. And there's nothing wrong with laying out the benefits derived from military service, i.e. learning a trade, college tutition, serving your country, etc.(all, let's not forget, at the expense of taxpayers)

But I have a problem with popular entertainers creating testosterone-driven, nationalist propaganda music videos to brainwash young minds into thinking it would be "cool" to join the National Guard because Kid Rock says it's bad ass!

That night, this led to a discussion of the Nazi propaganda films, Hitler youth, etc. and as luck would have it, there was a couple sitting near us who were not part of our group, and who apparently had not heard all of the lead-up to the Kid Rock/Nazi propaganda portion of the discussion. The gal portion of the couple spoke up first, asking us in a fairly disgusted tone, "So, you don't think the military should be able to recruit?", followed by the guy she was with pointing out that he was an 11 year veteran of the Air Force.

There was no mistaking the assumptions made by said couple: Libertarians are anti-armed forces. I tried frantically to explain what led up to the bashing of the Kid Rock video, and that libertarians are FAR from anti-military, but alas, I could tell the seeds of misinformation were sown. Plus, being the crappy "salesman" that I am, I failed to convince them of what a ludicrous piece of propaganda the Kid Rock video truly is.

We're all doomed.

What's wrong with this story teaser?

I saw this headline teaser on CNN.com today...take a guess at why it pisses me off:

Angry crowd confronts senator on health care
A hostile crowd shouted questions and made angry statements today at a Pennsylvania town hall meeting on health care led by Democratic Sen. Arlen Specter. The meeting drew an overflow crowd of about 250 people, with more gathered outside to demonstrate for and against President Obama's push to expand health insurance for 46 million people without coverage while bringing down costs.

*rolls eyes*

--Browncoat

The Knee-Jerk Idiocy Meter

I should really stay away from CNN.com and their Knee-Jerk Idiocy Meter, i.e. their "Quick Vote" polls. The poll I see this morning: "Should texting while driving be banned?". The results: 92% Yes, 8% No.

By all means, let's encourage the idiots in Washington to pass another unenforceable law just so they can justify their existence and get re-elected year after year.

This isn't the first "Quick Vote" that has irked me. Almost every one of these "pulse taking" polls contains a carefully calculated question just begging for the knee-jerk answer. What typically follows the results of these polls is a CNN.com article claiming, e.g., "Majority of Americans Want Texting in Cars Banned". Irresponsible "journalism" like this just provides fuel for more of the knee-jerk legislation that is eating away at our liberties.

We are a nation of childish morons.

Cartoon from The Daily Scoff, along with a humorous related article.